There are lots of reasons why people break up. Growing apart is one. You might find that your interests, ideas, values, and feelings aren't as well matched as you thought they were. Changing your mind or your feelings about the other person is another. Maybe you just don't enjoy being together. Maybe you argue or don't want the same thing. You might have feelings for someone else. Or maybe you decide you just don’t want a serious relationship right now.
Most people go through a break-up (or a few break-ups) in their lives. If you've ever been through it, you know it can be painful — even if it seems like it's for the best.
If you're thinking of breaking up, you may have mixed feelings about it. After all, you got together for a reason. It's normal to wonder: "Will things get better?" "Should I give it another chance?" "Will I regret this?" Breaking up isn't an easy decision. You may need to take time to think about it.
Even if you feel sure it’s for the best, breaking up means having an awkward or difficult talk. One that’s likely to hurt the other person’s feelings.
Some people try to avoid having a difficult talk. Others want to just get it over with. But neither of these is the best approach. Avoiding just makes the situation last (and may end up hurting the other person more). And if you rush into it without thinking it through, you may say things you regret.
Something in the middle works best. Think things through. Get clear on what you want. Then act — with courage and kindness.
There's no one-size-fits-all way to break up. Every situation is different. But here are some tips to keep in mind:
After the breakup, resist gossiping about or badmouthing your ex. You wouldn’t want them to do that to you.
Some people find a way to stay friends after they break up. But not everyone wants to. For some people, seeing their ex can feel painful — especially seeing them with someone new. It takes time to get over hurt feelings or rejection.
Breaking up is hard, and it can be painful. But when you do it in a kind and respectful way, it’s best in the long run.
Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date Reviewed: Oct 20, 2023
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