Friends are great — and important. Being around people who are like you feels good, and it's normal to grow closer when you have things in common. But a group of friends isn’t the same as a clique (say: KLIK). Most groups of friends welcome anyone to join. Cliques leave some kids out on purpose. This can hurt, so it’s good to know how to deal with a clique.
Groups of friends and cliques both form based on things you have in common, like sports, computer games, and classes. But they’re also different:
Kids in cliques usually want to be popular and feel cool. Sometimes kids think that belonging to a clique will keep them from feeling left out. Some kids feel more powerful when they’re mean to other people (like bullies).
Some kids in cliques act differently than they would outside the group. They may feel pressure to follow the rules. They may often go along with what the others are doing, even if they know it’s not right and it means leaving out a friend.
If you’re on the outside of a clique, it can make you angry, sad, or confused. It can be hard if a friend won’t sit with you at lunch anymore or if you’re afraid someone might pick on you. If cliques are making you upset, try to:
Sometimes kids in cliques don’t want to belong to it anymore. You might not want to leave others out and hurt people’s feelings. Or maybe you realize you’re missing out on being friends with fun kids outside of the clique. You might also be tired of being bossed around by the clique’s leader.
If your group of friends has turned into a clique, speak up. It’s OK to say that you want to invite others to hang out. The clique might go on without you, but others might follow your lead and leave too.
If you’re not sure how to get out of a clique or others in the clique make it harder on you, talk with an adult. Most schools have counselors and policies to help cliques from getting out of hand.
Plenty of kids are nice to everyone without being part of a clique. They’re kind to kids in and outside their closest group of friends. Look for chances to meet, talk with, and play with plenty of different kids. Ask someone sitting alone at lunch or on the playground to join you.
Do what feels good to you and think about how you would want to be treated. You never know who might wind up being a great friend.
Reviewed by: Lindsay Cadmus, PhD
Date Reviewed: Jun 2, 2023
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