Embrace “good enough parenting,” such as completing tasks without striving for perfection.
Parenting takes time, love, energy and patience. You don’t have to be perfect – like the viral parenting trend called “mommymaxxing” promotes – and it’s better for your kids if you’re not. Dr. Krista Caldwell, Akron Children’s pediatric psychologist, psychologist, answers common questions about mommymaxxing and offers a healthy approach to parenting.
What is mommymaxxing?
Mommymaxxing refers to a social media-driven trend that promotes highly intensive and optimized parenting. It often encourages unrealistic expectations for mothers, such as quickly returning to a prepregnancy body, preparing picture-perfect meals, maintaining an immaculate home and making carefully curated choices to maximize a child’s future success.
How can it be harmful to the mom?
These expectations can set an unreasonably high bar, leaving many mothers feeling like they are falling short. Mothers already tend to carry much of the mental and emotional load within a household. The added pressure to “get everything right” can contribute to burnout, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Over time, this can create a cycle where even small, normal parenting challenges feel like significant failures.
How can it be harmful to her kids?
When there is a strong focus on creating a “perfect” childhood, it can unintentionally interfere with what children actually need for healthy development. Younger children benefit from unstructured play and responsive, present caregivers — not perfection. As children grow, they may begin to feel that love or approval is tied to performance or achievement. In adolescence, when identity and independence are especially important, overly structured or perfection-driven expectations can limit autonomy and make it harder for teens to express vulnerability or take healthy risks.
What are some ways to eliminate – or at least reduce – mommymaxxing?
A helpful first step is becoming more intentional about social media use. Noticing how certain content impacts your mood and reducing exposure to accounts that trigger comparison can make a meaningful difference. It can also be helpful to shift focus inward, toward your own family values and your child’s unique needs, rather than outward toward external standards. Parenting with flexibility and responsiveness, rather than perfection, tends to support both parent and child well-being.
How can parents set a good example for their kids when it comes to social media use?
Parents can model healthy boundaries with technology by being present and engaged during everyday interactions. Setting aside phone-free time and having open conversations about social media, comparison and peer influence can help children develop a more balanced and critical understanding of what they see online.
Mom’s mental load can be significant and often goes unrecognized.
What other factors contribute to a mom’s mental load?
Many mothers take on the role of “household manager.” This includes not only physical tasks but also the invisible labor of planning, organizing and anticipating needs — such as scheduling appointments, remembering school events, and coordinating holidays and birthdays. This ongoing mental load can be significant and often goes unrecognized.
If a mom feels overloaded, what short- and long-term changes can she make?
In the short term, reducing social media use, especially content that fuels comparison, can help relieve pressure. Embracing “good enough parenting,” such as completing tasks without striving for perfection and choosing simple, meaningful ways to connect with your child, can also be very effective. Building in unstructured time to rest and recharge is equally important.
In the long term, clarifying your core family values can provide a sense of direction and reduce decision fatigue. It can also be helpful to share responsibilities where possible and to cultivate personal interests or activities that are fulfilling and not tied to performance or productivity.
Tell us more about “good enough parenting.”
The psychological concept of the “good enough mother,” introduced by Donald Winnicott, emphasizes that children do not need perfect parenting to thrive. Instead, they benefit from caregivers who are generally responsive, attuned and able to repair moments of disconnection. Occasional missteps are not only inevitable, but they are important for helping children build resilience and adaptability.
In contrast to mommymaxxing, which prioritizes perfection and optimization, the “good enough” approach supports a more sustainable, compassionate and developmentally sound model of parenting — for both mothers and their children.
Learn about behavioral health services at Akron Children’s.
